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Nerdcore music lyrics
0001 Jun 1
19 minutes read

Маша Школьник - Песня о любви к программисту

Было в жизни у меня светло и чисто,
Безалаберно, душевно, на авось.
Но недавно я влюбилась в программиста,
И вот тут-то все как раз и началось.
Место встречи – дом один Нью-Йоркской плазы,
Он цветы дарил и страстно в рот смотрел,
Но на майке красовалась – вот зараза –
Надпись крупная – «I LOVE HTML».

В моей душе резвятся бесики,
И три «люблю» в одной строке,
А он в ответ ко мне на бейсике,
А не на русском языке.

Он сидит спиной ко мне, лицом к экрану,
К серым клавишам склонив свой интерфейс.
«Мне программу, - говорит, - еще проранать,
А потом начать криэйтеть дейтабейс».
Ладно, думаю, возьму свое попозже,
Ведь не всю же ночь продлится этот рейс,
Но лишь утром он приходит с хмурой рожей,
Мол, заснул, нажав щекою на бекспайс.

Я говорю: прошу прощения,
Но ты сейчас получишь в глаз,
А он в ответ: имей терпение,
Как в освоеньи Си Плас Плас.

Новый год мечтала встретить я с ним вместе,
Но у милого на этот день свой план.
Вау ту кей достойно встречен будет в кресле,
На работе и при взгляде на экран.
Говорит, что любит, ну а сам как-будто
Смотрит сквозь меня, холодный, как труба.
От него не то, что жесткого ребута,
Но и мягкого дождаться не судьба.

Он по ночам в изнеможении
Храпит в режиме слипинг моуд
И привести его в движение
Лишь голос пейджера могет.

В общем так, пришел конец моей отваги,
Хоть я очень терпеливый человек,
Я проверила любимого на баги -
Всех ошибок не исправить здесь во век.

Сквозь годы чувство пронести мы
Не сможем точно, хошь - не хошь.
С моим дружком несовместимы
Мы, как PC и Макинтош.

24 сентября 1999

Monzy - Kill Dash Nine

I guess I’ll have to shut you down for good this time,
Already tried a SIGQUIT, so now it’s KILL DASH 9.
You gotta learn when it’s time for your thread to yield;
It shoulda slept; instead you stepped and now your fate is sealed.
I’ll take your process off the run queue without even asking
‘Cause my flow is like reentrant and preemptive multitasking.
Your sad rhymes are spinnin’ like you’re in a deadlock,
You’re like a synchronous sock that don’t know when to block;
So I pull out my keyboard and I pull out my glock,
And I dismount your girl and I mount /proc
And I’ve got your fuckin pid and the bottom line
Is that you best not front or else it’s KILL DASH NINE.

No more CPU time.
And your process is mine.
‘Cause it’s MY time to shine
So don’t step outta line or else it’s

See it ain’t about the Benjamins or Pentiums or Athlons,
But you rappin’ 50 meters while I’m spittin’ in decathlons.
Your shit’s old and busted, mine’s the new hotness;
You’re like CLR and I’m like CLRS.
You’re running csh and my shell is bash,
You’re the tertiary storage; I’m the L1 cache.
I’m a web crawling spider; you an Internet mosquito;
You thought the 7-layer model referred to a burrito.
You’re a dialup connection; I’m a gigabit LAN.
I last a mythical man-month; you a one-minute man.
It’s like I’m running Thunderbird and you’re still stuck with Pine,
Which is why I think it’s time for me to KILL DASH NINE.

No more CPU time.
‘Cause it’s KILL DASH NINE,
And your process is mine.
‘Cause it’s my time to shine,
So don’t step outta line or else it’s

My posse throws down like leaky bucket regulators;
I was coding shit in MIPS while you were playing Space Invaders.
With my finger on the trigger I run ./configure
Yo, this package is big, but MY package is bigger.
I roll my weed with Zig Zag while I zag-zig splay,
And I do a bounds check before I write to an array.
I’m a loc’d out baller writing KLOCS a day,
‘Cause it’s publish or perish, fool, what can I say?
I’m 26 now, will I live to see 28?
Some days I wonder if I’ll survive to graduate.
But hey, that’s just fine, I won’t ever resign,
And if fools try to step then it’s KILL DASH NINE!

From my command line
Sending chills down your spine,
‘Cause it’s my time to shine,
So don’t step outta line or else it’s

fs sa rlidwka
I’ll chown your home and take your access away
Comin’ straight outta Stanford, ain’t nobody tougher,
Control-X, Control-C, I’ll discard your fuckin’ buffer.
You’re outside your scope, son, close them curly brackets,
‘Cause I drop punk-ass bitches like a modem drops packets.
Dump your motherfucking core, and trace your stack
‘Cause where your ass is going, there won’t be no callback.
See my style is divine and my code is sublime,
My career’s in a climb and yours is in a decline.
I’ll write a pound-define and assign you as mine,
So refine those sad rhymes or remove your plus signs,

No more CPU time,
‘Cause it’s KILL DASH NINE,
And your process is mine,
‘Cause it’s my time to shine,
Bitch you stepped outta line and now it’s

Monzy - The Pimping Lemma

I glanced up from my terminal and saw Suzanne;
She looked hotter than a GPU without a cooling fan,
‘Cause when a girl walks in the lab with an itty bitty waist,
And she pulls an Inspiron out her laptop case,
And she opens vi and she starts to code,
I wanna work her like some ciphertext in CFB mode.

I said «honey, have you got dynamic loading support?
‘Cause I think I have a package for you to import.»
She’s like, «Mmm yeah, but is your package extensible?»
In the face of my charisma she’s completely indefensible;
So I jot down her digits and her email addresses,
And that night she’ll be responding to my intimate caresses.

When it comes to females, there’s no end to my thirst,
I’ll pull off their panties and search ‘em depth first,
But I have one rule, and at times it’s a dilemma,
It’s a policy I like to call my «Pimping Lemma»:
I like hoes of all colors, shapes sizes and religions,
But I only fill my harem with computer science pigeons.

When I’m rolling up a blunt or I’m unrolling a loop,
Rolling back a transaction, or rolling round in my coupe,
When I’m poppin’ the Cris or just drinking some forties
I can’t get enough of them computer science shorties.

I saw Brenda in the club and she gave me a wink;
She looked hotter than a dual core without a heatsink.
I said «Get krunk girl, come on and twurk it,
Move that ass until it makes a Hamiltonian Circuit.»
And she could twist her body into sixty sexy positions,
But she couldn’t debug those tricky race conditions.

Between the sheets I must admit that she was quite a freak,
But every time she used the heap she would create a memory leak.
She had dumps like a truck but she was dumber than a brick;
The smartest thing that ever came out of her mouth was my dick.
So I applied the Pimping Lemma and I ditched that bitch quick,
‘Cause you know I’ll only creep with a computer science chick.

When I’m tokin’ on a spliff or tokenizing a string,
These hos keep coming to me faster than a millisecond ping.
But you can keep your movie stars and your playboy bunnies,
‘Cause you know I only roll with hot computer science honeys.

I’m accumulating cuties from across the nation,
Pull ‘em in like neighbors in a Delaunay triangulation,
I got hoes from different area codes and IP ranges,
Swap ‘em round like VMMs making page exchanges,
Yeah I round ‘em up like ceil() and I add ‘em to my stable
And I offer them a spliff from off my hash table.

I pick up women wearin’ Gucci, Prada, and Fendi an’
When they see my MSB they’re like «damn, you’re Big Endian!»
They wanna hit that high bit and eat my meat like carnivores,
Going down like I was calling P and they was semaphores,
I push all the right keys like ampersands and underscores,
And soon another freaky CS ho is down on all fours.

I gotta flush the TLB when I make context switches;
Gotta brush off the ladies if they ain’t CS bitches;
Gotta check the error number case my system call fails,
And I gotta roll exclusively with CS females.

Mya’s love is like WO, but I’m sorry, I won’t,
Toya wonders if «I Do» but she can’t code so «I Don’t,»
Beyonce’s crazy in love, but I just ain’t enticed,
J-Lo’s love don’t cost a thing but that shit’s still overpriced.
Milian can dip it low but she can’t flip those DIP switches,
And that’s why I only mack on fly computer science bitches.

I got a pimped out PC and a pimped out ride,
And if you pass the CS quals I might let you inside.
But if not you’ll get a 403: ACCESS DENIED,
‘Cause there’s a Pimping Lemma by which I must abide.

I can’t help it when I see a fine computer science ho,
my whole heart expands faster than a Google IPO.
I got such mad game that there ain’t no defiance,
And I’m scoring for Stanford like Bonds for the Giants.
Yo, I spread around my seed like swarms of Bittorrent clients,
But I only mack on honeys who are in computer science.

So you can shake it like a Polaroid or like a salt shaker,
You can shake that Laffy Taffy or shake your money maker,
You can show off your milkshake or shake Ya Tailfeather,
But as long as you a CS girl, let’s shake it together.

Monzy - So Much Drama in the PhD

Yo, MC Plus Plus, my rhymes are so phat,
I’m PSPACE-complete but I’ll reduce you to 3-SAT.
My crew is so hard that we roll in NP,
And bitches dereference my pointer for free.
When I’m linear probing they’re like, «Damn that’s gigantic,»
I showed it to your mom and she used Hoare semantics.
She jumped like JNE up onto my erection
And I picked up that ho like straight garbage collection.
(«That’s right, mark-and-sweep on these nuts, bitch.»)

My lyrics get stolen by sucker MCs,
I gotta sign my rhymes with PGP;
But I keep on generatin’ like a CFG
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.

What’s wrong MC Plus Plus, am I making you nervous?
Even skanky fat hoes give you denial of service.
You’ll probably go to jail before you write your dissertation
So prepare your asshole for some internal fragmentation;
Penetration, as they fill it up with jism,
It’s too bad you aren’t closed under homomorphism.
Your problem, Plus Plus, is that your typing isn’t strict:
In ML my type is real and your type is ‘a dict.

I control my flow better than TCP,
I rep the west coast like Eazy-E,
You best not front if you can’t pass the GRE,
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.

My flow is so intense that I will overflow your buffer,
Corrupt your stack pointer makin’ all your data suffer.
I’ve got saturated edges but your flow is sparser,
Real gangstas sip on Yacc; instead you generate a parser.
While you’re busy poppin’ stacks I’ll pop a cap in your skull,
While you smoke your crack pipe I’m gonna pipe you to /dev/null.
I may not have a label but I rap like a star;
I’m an unsigned long int and you’re an 8-bit char.

Your mom circulates like a public key,
Servicing more requests than HTTP.
She keeps all her ports open like Windows ME,
Oh, there’s so much drama in the PhD.

DWORD to your moms, I came to drop bombs;
I’ve got more rhymes that San Jose’s got dotcoms.
I rep the Farm like 50 reps Queens,
With more power than multitape Turing Machines.
Blowin’ up the rap scene faster than factorial functions,
I’m dope like PNP transistors and I’ll saturate your junctions.
By the time you’ve rhymed one line, I’ve already busted ten;
You rap in exponential time and I’m big-O of log(n).

I run gmake and gcc,
And I ain’t never called malloc without calling free.
I’ll beat your ass until it’s colored like a red-black tree
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.

Lil’ Nix - Off the Markov Lyrics

check it out, check it in, let me begin
who is that Persian kid trying to login
thinks he’s a student but we all know the truth
homeboy couldn’t program a TI-82

fast forward, who’s this, with his head in his arms
drool dripping on his copy of CLR
why it’s Monzy, but why is his screen all dark?
Stanford is like taking a walk in Xerox Parc

fool, I can’t relate to your psets in the lab
mine were more straightforward than a bidirected graph
while your sort is O(n), mine is constant time
and I can code that bitch in less than half the lines

they call me Lil’ Nix – world class multiplayer
got more hits than TCP’s got layers
I’m dope like AMD, I dream in assembly
is that a transistor in your lap, or you just happy to see me

cause I’m OG – that’s Original Geeksta
I’ll pwn your clan and then say "nice to meet ya"
syntactically I flow like Church or Ritchie on the sdiff
elegantly functional or practically imperative

I heard your last girlfriend wanted an upgrade
she core dumped you and /dev/null’ed the strace
wanna know why you get permission denied?
girls diss your three inch floppy and I ain’t talking ‘bout your drive

your research is so wack you got a negative Erdos number
so that’s why you’re "MC++, BottomCoder"
it’s 2 a.m., time to put on some Monzy
his rhymes’ll knock you out faster than sleep(1000)

I’m sippin’ on Cognac, typin’ in Dvorak
got all the boys Jonesin’ cause baby got TrackBack
my code’s squeaky clean, no unexpected bugs
meet all the specs, cause I use… Junit

next release now, 2.6.17
Torvalds and Morton tryin’ to regulate the kernel tree
code’s done, oh no, it’s too late in the cycle
hands up off the keyboard, ok let’s go

«Java» the parody song Copyright 1997 Broken Records and Marjorie Music Publ. (BMI), written and performed by Loose Bruce Kerr of the Dr. Demento Show and Sun Microsystems attorney.

Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
It’s not a cup of coffee but it’s hot as can be
Came pourin’ through the Gates on a “Big Mac” Nealy
Singin’, Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Microsoft thought Java really could be a threat
Java through the Windows maybe put them in debt
Gates, he took a license but he altered the feel
Java members all said, “Bill, you’re outa the deal!”
Singin’, Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
It’s like a cup of coffee ’cause it’s tasty and fresh
But it’s not really Java if the flavors don’t mesh
Pure Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Microsoft released a browser, Java was there
The Sun, it rose and lit up what was really a dare
The RMI, the JNI were missing and lost
Scott said, “Bill, you broke your promise, Now pay the cost!”
Bill said, “Hey, my recipe is richer than yours”
Scott said, “I own the coffee shop, sit down and I’ll pour”
Pour Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
Nobody can tell yet what the future may bring
All we know is Java goes jing-jing-jing
It goes Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
(Scott really means it)
Java, Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing
(Bill you better believe it)
Java, Java Java jing-jing-jing

Ultraklystron (Karl Olson) - Five to Nine

I don’t need sleep / cause I’m making the whole scene
Atleast that’s what I say / but that’s just a smoke screen
I can’t seem to find / no leisure or spare time
When I’m working that grind / of the Five to Nine
(repeat X 1)

Every single place / I’m seeing the same faces
Memory glitches / Rewrites and erases
Defining my self / Defaults to set labels
Creation of self / Is defined by these fables
Busting the same rhymes / and telling the same stories
This new audience / buys these allegories.
Though to me played out / and ought to be forgotten
My brain’s exhausted / and slowly going rotten

And I gotta be cool / gotta act like a pro
Always witty with my words / busting a fresh flow
And if you’ve not heard it / then it’s new to you
And I know you’ve not heard it / and neither has your crew
So then at this convention / I’ll give you a nice dream
Cause I’m too darn broke / to buy you an ice cream
And I’m a not a mecha / no rockin the eye beams
So I’ll I spit what I have / until I hear the shy scream

Shooting pictures from the hip / while giving cosplay tips
Calling in news at clip / while taking crook’d sips
Of Vault and MDX / Receiving messages in text
Quickly jotting down notes / through caffeine effects
It’s the burden of the press / though not everything’s in ruin
Cause I even interviewed / Miss Jessica Boone and
I’d even say it’s super cres / but my back is aching
My feet are screaming out / as my backpack’s breaking

From all of the free swag / doujinshi by the bag
And that radical rock / known as the Aggrocrag
Free custom luggage tags / But I don’t mean to brag
Cause all of this sweet stuff / causes my spine to sag
I’m not physically active / in my usual adventures
So even pro bono goods can / earn a little of my censure
Add to that the fact that at / the con I am a big spender
And suddenly I need help / from an Earth Force Defender.

Yeah by the end of con / my intellect is all gone
Feeling like a zombie / Man I’m deader than Shawn
And though my crew of friends / is tight like Genshiken
When the con’s at the end / I won’t even pretend
Cause we’re all exhausted / perspicacity’s frosted
It’s like we’ve been accosted / surprised no one’s lost it
But we keeping rolling on / though it’s not on dubs
This is the otaku style / we’re rolling on fansubs

Seven Databases in Song

Relational, columnar, graph or key-value store,
document datastores too.
So much to discover, in this song we’ll cover
from each type at least one or two.

Neo4J, Postgres and HBase and Redis then
CouchDB, Mongo and Riak.
of partitions, consistency, availability:
pick two, you can’t have all three-ach.

Postgres is relational, stable, transactional.
Tables have columns and rows.
Rules, window functions and SQL for querying;
vertically is how it grows.

Riak’s key-value store implements Dynamo,
shards data out to a ring.
It’s REST-based with mapreduce link-walking functions and
vector-clocks; made in Erlang.

HBase is columnar just like BigTable:
distributed, sorted and sparse.
Hadoop’s ecosystem provides extra features but
setup’s a pain in the arse.

Oh, Mongo stores JSON—-its documents speedily
replicate so it’s webscale.
Indexes and updates your deep nested attributes
in-line, so data’s not stale.

Neo4J is so ACID compliant; this
graph database really shines.
You query through edges that connect two vertices.
No ORM-based designs.

The Redis key-value holds rich data structures;
is RAM-based or writes them to disk.
Expiry’s for caching. PUB/SUB message passing,
and queueing by block reading lists.

The CouchDB doc store has partial mapreduce;
is RESTful, crash-only and stable.
Great for embedding, ad-hoc replicating,
though don’t try to join, it’s not able.

The database world is now rich with complexity;
so much to research and know.
You have many options you’ll need to consider like…

Disk read and writing and
Bloom filters, buffering
caching plus
consistent hashing and more!

James Dempsey - ModelViewController

Model View, Model View, Model View Controller
MVC’s the paradigm for factoring your code,
into functional segments so your brain does not explode.
To achieve reusability you gotta keep those boundaries clean,
Model on the one side, View on the other, the Controller’s in between.

Model View - It’s got three layers like Oreos do.
Model View creamy Controller

Model objects represent your applications raison d’tre.
Custom classes that contain data logic and et cetra.
You create custom classes in your app’s problem domain,
then you can choose to reuse them with all the views,
but the model objects stay the same.

You can model a throttle in a manifold,
Model level two year old.
Model a bottle of fine Chardonnay.
Model all the twaddle stuff people say.
Model the coddle in a boiling eggs.
Model the waddle in Hexley’s legs.

One, two, three, four.
Model View - You can model all the models that pose for GQ.
Model View Controller

View objects tend to be controls that view and edit,
Cocoa’s got a lot of those, well written to its credit.
Take an NSTextView, hand it any old Unicode string,
the user interacts with it, it can hold most anything.
But the view don’t knows about the Model:
That string could be a phone number or the words of Aristotle.
Keep the coupling loose and so achieve a massive level of reuse.

Model View - All rendered very nicely in Aqua blue
Model View Controller

You’re probably wondering now.
You’re probably wondering how,
the data flows between Model and View.
The Controller has to mediate,
between each layer’s changing state,
to synchronize the data of the two.
It pulls and pushes every changed value.

Model View - mad props to the smalltalk crew!
for Model View Controller

Model View - it’s pronouced Oh Oh not Uh Uh
Model View Controller

There’s a bit more on this story,
a few more miles upon this road,
well nobody seems to get much glory
writing controller code.
Well the model is mission critical
and gorgeous is the view,
But I’m not being lazy, but sometimes it’s just crazy
how much code i write is just glue.
And it wouldn’t be so tragic,
but the code ain’t doing magic:
it’s just moving values through.
And I wish I had a dime
for every single time
I set a TextField’s stringValue.

Model View - how we’re gonna deep-six all that glue
Model View Controller

Controller’s know the Model and View very
uahh - intimately
They often are hardcoding
which is very verboten for reusability.
But now you can connect any value you select
to any view property.
And I think you’ll start binding,
then you’ll be finding less code in your source tree.
Yeah I know I was astounded,
that’s not even a rhyme.

But I think it bares repeating
all the code you won’t be needing,
when you hook it up in IB.

Model View - it even handles multiple selections too
Model View Controller

Model View - hope I get my G5 before you
Model View Controller

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

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